Welcome back to my little experiment. 100 Dates in Houston is a dating blog series chronicling my journey as a thirty-something woman on a quest to100 dates in Houston, Texas. The goal? To connect with the love of my life. For date #11, we explore the value of intuition and owning your truth as a woman. Let’s jump back in and see where day two with Blasian Bae leads us!

Date #11

The morning after our Korean BBQ dinner, I woke up to a text from Blasian Bae asking for my cash app. He was paying up for the bet I had won the night before.  

“What a pleasant way to start the day” I teased.

“I wish I could send it in pennies” he joked back.

It was 5:00 am and I’d only gotten a few hours of sleep after getting home the night before at 1:30 am. But Blasian Bae and I had plans. 

Since arriving in Houston, I’d been scouting community service organizations and participating in a few events hosted by the Houston Area Urban League Young Professionals (HAULYP) network. That Saturday, they would be volunteering to distribute food to local families, starting at the ungodly hour of 7:00 A.M. While discussing my plans for the weekend he would be visiting, I shared that I’d be participating in the event and Blasian Bae asked to join. He explained that he tries to dedicate time to community service regularly – another item to check off my man list. Community service tells me a man is grounded, compassionate, and has a servant’s heart. 

That morning, Blasian Bae and I served over three hundred families along with HAULYP and Bread of Life. I watched as he joked with other volunteers and attempted to speak Spanish to some of the families we served. He was a true people person.

The gift of intuition

After volunteering, we intended to head over to Gangham Spa for some R&R; however, the Texas summer heat, coupled with our 5 A.M. early morning rise, led us to scrap those plans. 

 What happened next surprised me.  

I’ve written about intuition before. Although it’s our superpower as women, it’s not magic. Similar to the rookie mutants in the X-men series who honed their mutant powers at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, our gift of intuition must be sharpened. 

Intuition is simply data from previous experiences stored in our subconscious, that manifests in our feelings. If a woman says “I have a bad feeling about this,” it’s because she’s likely seen a similar dynamic in the past and is registering that information through feelings of dis-ease. The more life experience she has, the more data she will have. The more a woman listens – following her intuition – the more she will trust herself and the stronger her intuition will be.

That day after serving the community with Blasian Bae, my intuition told me he was safe. 

We had been outside in the heat for hours. Our clothes were drenched in sweat and we were exhausted. I had a thirty-five-minute drive back home and had been running up and down the road with that long commute since he arrived. Since it would be his last day in Houston, we wanted to continue spending time together. 

I’ve learned to have guidelines while dating, versus rules. Guidelines give us structure but leave room for life to happen. Rules, however, can be rigid and oppressive. While I have a few rules, I trust myself to use my intuition when faced with a unique situation that may require some flexibility. 

So, rather than forcing a rule, I chose to take a shower at Blasian Bae’s hotel and relax there for the remainder of the day. My date excused himself and left the hotel room while I freshened up. When he returned, rather than crossing my fingers and hoping things would remain uncomplicated, I set my boundaries and ensured we were on the same page for this unconventional second date.  

The reward for trusting my intuition and verbalizing my boundaries upfront was that I had a great time with an amazing man without the burden of guilt or regret. Blasian Bae respected my wishes. For the remainder of the day, we laughed and told jokes. We jumped on the bed, cuddled, ordered takeout, and fell in and out of sleep. 

The princess and the pea

Tucked beneath the safety and comfort of the fluffy duvet at the JW Marriott, I opened up a bit to Blasian Bae. I shared with him the fairytale that I feel describes me best: The Princess and the Pea. If you don’t remember the story, by Hans Christian Anderson, here it is…

Once upon a time there was a prince who wanted to marry a princess; but she would have to be a real princess. He travelled all over the world to find one, but nowhere could he get what he wanted. There were princesses enough, but it was difficult to find out whether they were real ones. There was always something about them that was not as it should be. So he came home again and was sad, for he would have liked very much to have a real princess.

One evening a terrible storm came on; there was thunder and lightning, and the rain poured down in torrents. Suddenly a knocking was heard at the city gate, and the old king went to open it.

It was a princess standing out there in front of the gate. But, good gracious! what a sight the rain and the wind had made her look. The water ran down from her hair and clothes; it ran down into the toes of her shoes and out again at the heels. And yet she said that she was a real princess.

“Well, we’ll soon find that out,” thought the old queen. But she said nothing, went into the bed-room, took all the bedding off the bedstead, and laid a pea on the bottom; then she took twenty mattresses and laid them on the pea, and then twenty eider-down beds on top of the mattresses.

On this the princess had to lie all night. In the morning she was asked how she had slept.

“Oh, very badly!” said she. “I have scarcely closed my eyes all night. Heaven only knows what was in the bed, but I was lying on something hard, so that I am black and blue all over my body. It’s horrible!”

Now they knew that she was a real princess because she had felt the pea right through the twenty mattresses and the twenty eider-down beds.

Nobody but a real princess could be as sensitive as that.

So the prince took her for his wife, for now he knew that he had a real princess; and the pea was put in the museum, where it may still be seen, if no one has stolen it.

There, that is a true story.

Hans Christian Anderson

I’m the princess – obviously.

But not for the reasons you may think. You see, the princess had a tremendous capacity to sense things within her environment — so much so that she felt a tiny pea underneath twenty mattresses. That incredible sensitivity was the very thing that qualified her as royalty.

That’s me! From crooked photo frames to suppressed emotions, if something’s off, I’m going to notice it. If it affects me personally, I’m going to feel it intensely — which can honestly be quite annoying. But what some may describe as sensitive also makes me intuitive and compassionate, as well as a halfway decent therapist and writer. Scientifically, it’s likely the product of some anxiety and hyper-vigilance. But who’s being technical – let’s just stick with The Princess and the Pea allegory. 🙃

Truthfully, I felt I was taking a bit of a risk by sharing my little fairytale with Blasian Bae so early on. We all know what comes to mind when someone “acts like a princess”. Then there’s the fact that stereotypically, sensitive people have a bad rep.  In our immaturity, we can have tissue-paper feelings.  We can dish criticism about everything imperfect, and yet are unable to receive the same.  😖

However, a sensitive princess has the potential to blossom into a wise queen.

You see, an attuned woman can walk into a room and notice the things that are off, broken, or hurting.  Instead of criticizing, she extends grace and patience to those who need it. Like a wise and prudent queen determining the fate of her subjects, she reads emotions and intentions beneath the surface and determines whether to extend compassion or issue consequences. That’s the beauty of intuition. And that’s the woman I’m working to become.

I wanted Blasian Bae to know that in me, he would be taking on a sensitive (and regal) woman. A woman who notices and feels things deeply, so he would need to handle her with care.  Not kiddie gloves – care. 

In response to the fairytale, my Blasian suitor granted me an affectionate nickname.  To this day, he calls me “Princess Pea” whenever I’m being extra. 🙃

Date #11 in Houston, looked quite different than originally expected, but was still a fun and productive time. So, has the princess met her prince? Make sure you’re subscribed and check back next week to find out! And I want to hear from you in the comments. Would you have flexed your boundaries like I did? Was I being careless? Are you feeling Blasian Bae as much as I was? Let’s chat!

Until Next Time, be blessed!

Kaity